INDEPENDENCE DAY

Independence day 1In the United States, Independence Day, the Fourth of July, is a federal holiday celebrated by Americans, beginning in 1776, when the thirteen American colonies separated themselves from the British Empire as a new nation. This new nation desired freedom not requiring or relying on another nation. That was a major milestone for the United States of America.

To be independent is a climacteric advancement in most of our lives. To be self-reliant is an important development of growth, an evolution to strive for.

Statements made by many individuals and admired:

  • I raised my children all alone
  • I climbed up the corporate ladder without anyone’s’ help
  • No one helped me to get where I am
  • I made all my dreams come true

These declarations may appear to be reputable, but are not completely true. Noted, you may have did your part with hard work, dedication and perseverance. But, the journey was not traveled alone. Credit needs to be given to a Higher Power, God. Because everything that may have been accomplished, God provided His grace, wisdom, patience, strength, and knowledge for that achievement.

In today’s world, everything is girded with pride, ego, and selfishness. Praise is given to self and man. While God is blamed with all the hurt, pain, and sorrow in the world. When the concepts creep in your mind that you made your dreams come true, on your own, that’s dangerous. This may be a gentle reminder that God is behind your aspirations and to give Him praise: or it could be a mind-blowing revelation that you are not doing this alone.

Let’s not be governed by P.E.S.T, Pride, Ego, Selfishness and Trifle with God. The devil’s main stronghold on people of today is pride. The concept of thinking you are better than others; you don’t need anyone, and you can do it on your own is the devil working.  Watch out for this mindset and behavior.

The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts. Psalm 10:4King James Version (KJV)

This attitude will lead to destruction every time.

 Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18 (KJV)

Let’s take God’s H.O.L.D, Humility, Obedience, Love, Deliverance.

Remember God grants the impossible dream. He does, not you.

With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible. Mark 10:27 (KJV)

THE ENDURING ENABLER

EnablerDo you have an overwhelming desire to help someone, beyond your boundaries? Do you find yourself attempting  constantly to run people’s lives, with step by step instructions on what to do, but never allowing them to give their input? Do you always dive in and fight other people’s battles to the point they expect you to fight all their battles? Do you feel it is easier to do the tasks of others because they will not do them correctly or at least the way you think? Have you been called smothering, controlling, overprotective, or overbearing? You may be an enabler?

An enabler is a person who causes someone or something to be inactive or impedes the full potential. This person may start off to be helpful, but somewhere along the way their good intentions becomes overbearing causing a hindrance of full success in others. They do way too much expecting way too little. Instead of encouraging independence, because of their overprotective nature they allow people to be dependent upon them to the point of harm. I will call them the Enduring Enabler because their enabling qualities are continuous and long lasting.

In the previous post, I discussed the Durable Dependent, a person who depends on others to the point of destruction. However, the Enduring Enabler are just as guilty as the Durable Dependent, if not more.

An enabler can be parents, friends, family members or spouses. Unknowing, an enabler may have something to prove to themselves or others; lack something in their lives; or harbor negatives emotions of  fear, loneliness, low self-esteem or other negative feelings pushing them to allow other people to dependent excessively on them.

Some of the same examples I listed for the Durable Dependents:

  • Adult children living at home way beyond a suitable or allotted time
  • Women relying solely on men to support them without commitment
  • Unestablished men moving in and leaning upon established women

I can switch it around and the Enduring Enables emerges:

  • Parents why do you allow adult children to live at home beyond an allotted time?
  • Men why do you feel a need to support women without any commitment?
  • Established women why do you allow unestablished men to live off of you?

Behind a Durable Dependent there may be an Enduring Enabler. Have you allowed someone to lean on or rely on you to the point they lack or loss the desire to reach a level on their own making them slothful or always putting things off? A child? A spouse? A coworker?

You may not see yourself as an Enduring Enabler. Ask yourself:

  • Could you be doing more with your life, but you are too concerned about running someone else’s life?
  • Do you have an overwhelming desire to be liked so you allow others to keep taking from you and depending on you?
  • Are you lonely and you need people to be around so you overcompensate?
  • Are you empty and allowing others to dependent on you to fill the void?
  • Do you have a need for people to need you?
  • Do you elicit fear, worry, and doubt in others so they can remain with you?
  • Have you made mistakes in your life so you are attempting to make it up in another person’s life?
  • Is it easier for you to do versus to teach?
  • Do you have low self-esteem allowing others to compliment you or stroke your ego and get whatever they want?
  • When others fail or obstacles occur do you encourage them to go back out and try again? Or do you embrace the fact that they are back with you, under your wings?
  • Do you do way too much allow little in return.

There are going to be exceptions to the rules to the above examples. But, if you are stopping the success of others by allowing them to lean on you and you secretly embrace their dependency on you, there is an issue. The same advice I suggested for the Durable Dependent will apply to the Enduing Enabler.

Maybe you do not recognize or believe you are an Enduring Enabler.  However if you remotely see yourself as one and want to change, the first step is simple. Recognize that you are an enabler. Being an Enduring Enabler is a problem, and the first step in overcoming a problem is admission.

  • Go to God. With His assistance do some deep soul searching. Allow His Spirit to bring things to the surface, things you may have buried deep inside. Once they come to light ask God how to overcome them.
  • Fear is the biggest culprit that hinder hopes, dreams and aspirations. The fear of living your life, the fear of being alone, not being liked, or any fear that chokes you.
  • Pray for answers and direction. Be honest with God. He already knows all about your concerns and worries.
  • Listen to the directions of God and do them. Sometimes, there are definite directions, but excuses and emotions crop up and the clear instructions become blurred and dull.
  • Trust God. Believe in Him. Depend on Him. Teach others to depend on Him and not on you.

Learn to set rules, boundaries and deadlines in your life and others. Get a life and allow others to live theirs. Help people to be independent in the world, but depended on God and not you.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV)

 

THE DITCH OF DEPENDENCE

DependentOnce upon a time, dependents were characterized as children, the elderly or handicapped. Individuals who could be claimed on your income tax. People, who actually needed support. Ironically, with the electronic age and modern technology, many of the above are needing less support and desire to live as independently as possible.

However, there is a large population who has either lost their desire for independence or never achieved it. Their ability to accomplish goals on their merit is far from them. In the previous post, I highlighted how people achieve independence without giving God the credit or praise. I stand behind that. True autonomy is knowing nothing is achieved without God. Today, there is an equal amount of people who have slipped, fallen, or sunk in a ditch of dependence, not depending on themselves or God, but other people and other sources. I will refer to them as the Durable Dependent. Durable because they rely on others for long periods of time without giving in or giving up.

  • Adult children living at home beyond a suitable or allotted time
  • Women relying solely on men to support them without commitment
  • Unestablished men moving and living off established women
  • People seeking some type of governmental assistance
  • Others are depended on all free support, gifts, food, etc. Those people will load up as many freebies as possible. Oftentimes, will return with alias to embark on more free giveaways

Why? It’s easier to take what is free than to earn what may cost.

Oftentimes, these dependents, are always looking for schemes to get something from nothing, excessively playing the lottery, searching for opportunities to sue someone, seeking reasons to apply for governmental aid, wanting to be fired from a job to apply for unemployment, or looking for people they can latch on to support them.

Some Durable Dependents may say or indicate what they want to achieve, but multiple reasons and excuses will choke their ambitions. Others are in the ditch of dependence thinking someone, the government or the world owes them something. This distorted sense of entitlement leads to laziness, procrastination, and envy. Someone or something has enabled these types of dependents allowing them to never needing or desiring to reach a level on their own, making them slothful, and always putting things off. Also, anytime someone reaches a goal or accomplishment a spirit of covetousness overcomes them.

You may not see yourself as a Durable Dependent. Ask yourself:

  • Are you allowing your negative feelings of fear, hurt, worry or failure to keep you dependent on others?
  • Why haven’t you moved on to bigger and better things?
  • Are you envious of others, talk about them, but make no effort to accomplish more?
  • Do you or have you allowed one obstacle or set back to hinder you from trying again?
  • Do you find yourself making excuses why you cannot accomplish your goals?
  • Do you feel the person or the object of your dependence owes you something because maybe their income or status is better than yours?
  • Have others attempted to encourage you to do more and you became angry accusing them of not understanding you or your life?
  • Do you constantly blame others for your misfortunes? Is it always someone else’s fault why you are in a ditch?
  • When pressures occur do you push through or do you run? Run to your safe haven. A place where your dependency is allowed and encouraged?

There may be multiple circumstances why you landed in the ditch of dependence and became a Durable Dependent. Maybe you do not recognize or believe you are a DD.  However, if you remotely see yourself as one; want to change; and accomplish more, recognize that you are in a ditch of dependence. Being a Durable Dependent is a problem, to overcome, the first step is admission.

  • Go to God. With His assistance do some deep soul searching. Allow His Spirit to bring things to the surface, things you may have buried deep inside. Once they come to light, ask God how to overcome them.
  • Pray for answers and direction. Be honest with God. He already knows all about your concerns and worries.
  • Listen to the directions of God and do them. Sometimes there are definite directions, but excuses and emotions crop up and the clear instructions become blurred and dull.
  • Trust God. Believe in Him. Depend on Him. You will have your part to play in arriving at your finished line. Don’t trust, believe, or depend solely on man, they will let you down.
  • Fear is the biggest culprit that hinder hopes, dreams and aspirations. The fear of failure, being alone, not knowing what to do, or any other type fear that chokes you.
  • Realize the world owes you nothing. But, you owe yourself and God to be all you can be.

Remember if there is anyone to depend on, it’s God. God will guide you in accomplishing goals, and overcoming obstacles that no government, family, friend, or mate could ever do. You will become independent in the world, but dependent on God, His Word, Wisdom and Ways.

And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord. Psalm 40:3 (KJV)